One Flower in a Bunch of Fields

I work a full time job getting paid only 7.40 a hour. I went to school for 2.5 years and only been recognized as going for 1.5. I am 30,000 dollars in debt and I am only twenty years old. I’ve lost my animals either to a no kill shelter, death, or in foster care. I cannot afford to pay my own car insurance or get my car registered in my name, therefore I live with my gramp who pays for it because I live here. I owe 335 dollars every first of the month, for bills. I pretend I am independent because I am paying for my phone, school, food and gas all on my own, but since I have to live with my family I don’t believe I  am. There are millions of reasons I shouldn’t be getting married, or adopting a child, or even having pets, but I work my butt off so I can keep saving money so one day I will be debt free in my own house with my own children and own animals and be truly independent.

Even though most people don’t do it… I just feel like it is strange how rings work. A girl wears a promise ring and an engagement ring, but a guy doesn’t wear a ring until he is married. Why should the girl wear the ring? Girls would still think the guy is single unless his girlfriend is with him, or he actually talks to the girl and tells them he is taken.

Everyday I have been thinking more and more about the life ahead, where I’m going to want to live, how I am going to raise a family, what kind of job I am going to be stable in, and how to not be in debt the rest of my life. I can’t really say I want to spend the rest of my life in the same state. I know I am moving out of Rhode Island, but will the first state I move to be the last? I feel as it won’t be. Will I have enough money to move to a different one? I do not know. I want to have a really big family. I want them to grow up healthy. I want them to grow up happy. Whether or not they have to share rooms by threes I do not know, but they will live the best life they can. I want a job, a well paying job, but at the same time I rather work from home the most I can. I do not know what kind of job I would be able to have that lets me stay home with my children while still being paid a fair salary. I have been going to school now for two and a half years. URI stays I’ve been going to school for 1 and 1/2 years. I am 30 thousand dollars in debt already from school and one of my loans I pay 200 a month to is only going down by about 50 a month due to interest, I have over 14 thousand debt in that loan alone. I’ve been thinking really hard about continuing school. I know I need to finish school in order to get a really good job, and everyone is telling me that it will be worth it. I don’t think I can attend school for another 3 to 4 years. That would be another 30 thousand dollars. I will be paying school back for the rest of my life. Is it really worth it? I want to do something so much better for myself. I want to do something with photography, or with design, or with business, and still be able to live my dream of writing books. I do not want a degree in something I won’t use. I should just own my own art gallery, charge people a flat rate to have a show there then get 5-10% of the money they sell their artwork for. Or have my own portrait place where I would take pictures of people there or be rented for a special occasion. I would have to have money to start these business but that’s what I want to do. I do not need a degree to do any of this… I don’t.

You can pick, either way I know I am gonna be with you forever. <3

So I decided to read some of what people answered yes or no to on this facebook “Truth About You” application just for fun. I kind of feel people were actually reading the questions and answering haha Therefore, I am going to answer some of the questions that were answered by them. Most of them make sense as truths about me, but others are just like guesses people have made. -I have never smoked. -I do not sing in the shower. -I have never kissed a girl. -I did not score over 1500 on the SATs. -I have never given money to a homeless person. -I do speed when I am driving. -I do not party. -I have never dressed up like a mascot and ran around. -I have punched someone. -I do not swear like a sailor. -I do want kids someday. -I could never eat 3 big macs at one time. -I am a scrub. -I am tone deaf. -I have cheated on a test. -I love click flicks. -I have played beer pong. -I am not religious. -I do not find me to be cute, a good kisser, or funny.

So basically…. I am moving back to my grandparents. Like tomorrow. I just got a new job at McDonald’s, I start on the 18th. I am keeping my Lickety Splits job, and continue working here as much as possible. Me and Jay are STILL together, and will be even though we can’t live together for a little while. Pissed off that the people leasing Lickety Splits in commons are soooo stupid and mean. My 1981 Jetta… needs to be sold. There is no money in my bank account. I am going to URI in Providence, I am going to be taking the bus to get there so I can save gas. Once I have enough money, and I am done with school (this semester or next), I am getting out of this state. Enjoy the Positives! Hate the Negatives! Love your Happiness! <3